If you didn’t watch it, here’s your chance! If you did, here’s your chance to get hammered!
(God bless Ken Layne, who came up with this:)
* “This will not be easy.” — One sullen slurp.
* “Challenging times.” — Try to drink from the side of your mouth without spilling.
* “Bipartisan” or “bipartisanship.” — One shot, feel up somebody else’s girlfriend/boyfriend/spouse.
* “Same old politics” and/or “politics as usual.” — Two quick gulps.
* “Played by the rules.” — Ask somebody to get you another drink and then drink their drink while they’re in the kitchen.
* “Recovery.” — One hit off your beverage. (You should have spares at hand.)
* “Recovery.com” — Three drinks and punch anybody in the room who sort of looks like Biden.
* “Resolve.” — Take a shot.
* Camera stops on various “opposition” figures such as Cantor: If you’re male, do a line of meth and try to get another “straight” guy to blow you in the bathroom.
* “Discipline.” — Take a very careful shot.
* Camera stops on Hero Pilot “Andrew” Chesley “Sully” Sullenberger III: Women and children take a drink, men go outside and have a smoke.
* “Breaking ground.” — One manly gulp.
* “Infrastructure.” — Two sips and check the fridge for supplies.
* Any mention of the Taliban: Put a “burqa” (pillowcase) over the heads of any women and gaily drink with your male friends.
* “Aggressive action.” — Chug a beer or glass of wine.
* Any variation of “best days are ahead.” — Finish all the booze in the house, weep.
Why? My bet is that their Wheaties sales pale in comparison to Pop Tarts, Eggos, Cheez Its, and the various and sundry products to come out of the Keebler tree. Take away potheads’ rampant consumption of the latter group, and you get the following:
