Archive for March 17th, 2009

17
Mar
09

Is Glenn Beck…Erm, OK?

Punditry seems to entail a certain degree of losing one’s mind on the air (unless you’re Rachel Maddow).  Say what you will, but ranting “like a man who saves his own urine gets viewers. With that in mind, I figured Glenn Beck was a bit quirky with his opening-night creepy eye cam. Fine. It got noticed. And now this:

It’s one thing to pull stunts to get you noticed because you want viewers to hear your content (O’Reilly, Olbermann, Matthews, Hannity…they all do it), but doing things to get noticed in spite and/or to the detriment of your content (since they make you seem creepy at best and totally unhinged at worst) is just nuts. Which is why I pose the question to members of Glenn Beck’s inner circle: Is he OK? Has he run out of medications? Does he need a quick trip to the hospital for “exhaustion”? Is he mocking Hillary Clinton’s waterworks over the same subject? What in blazes is going on in his noggin???

17
Mar
09

Barney Is Frank-ly Adorable. Again.

Every once in a while, I wonder why I love Barney Frank so much. Is it the fact he seems like he’d look adorable in a bowtie? Maybe. Is it the fact that his cheek fat makes him look like a smiling child cartoon? Kinda. Is it that his voice sounds like a character from Hanna Barbara? Yes, that’s definitely part of it.

But stuff like this is really why:

Rep. Barney Frank charged Monday that a decision by financially strapped insurance giant AIG to pay millions in executive bonuses amounts to “rewarding incompetence.”

Echoing outrage expressed on both sides of the political aisle in the wake of revelations that American International Group will pay roughly $165 million in bonuses, Frank said he believes it’s time to shake up the company.

“These people may have a right to their bonuses. They don’t have a right to their jobs forever,” said Frank, a Massachusetts Democrat who is chairman of the House Financial Services Committee.

He’s also sarcastic, smart, and (seemingly) principled as hell.

* With regard to anti-choice Republicans, who were advocating cuts in health care programs that benefited women and children, Frank commented “conservatives believe that from the standpoint of the federal government, life begins at conception and ends at birth.”

* When Frank supported raising the speed limit to 65 m.p.h., he told liberals who disagreed with him that he would “only listen to people on this issue who actually drive 55 m.p.h.”

* “I’m used to being in the minority. I’m a left-handed, gay Jew. I’ve never felt, automatically, a member of any majority.”

* “Rather than the boy who cried wolf, George Bush is the reverse. He claims that there is nothing wrong when there is. He’s the boy who cried, ‘Nice doggie.’” — Frank, critiquing President Bush, whom he said has been unable to face the reality of the war in Iraq and the nation’s economy.

(and updates!)

When Senator John McCain tried to avert attention from his sagging poll numbers and trainwreck of a running mate insert himself into the financial bailout negotiations by “suspending his campaign,” Barney Frank called out the raw political stunt:

“It’s the longest Hail Mary pass in the history of either football or Marys.”

“McCain is Andy Kaufman in his Mighty Mouse costume – ‘Here I Come to Save the Day,’” Frank said as he left a Thursday morning caucus meeting with House Democrats, saying the Republican presidential candidate’s decision to enter the mix “is not helpful.” “He hasn’t been involved,” Frank said. “He doesn’t know anything about it.”

Frank also mocked the idea that McCain could help with the details, quipping, “I guess if I wanted expertise there, I’d ask Sarah Palin.”

17
Mar
09

Happy St. Patrick’s Day!

Gather ’round for story time!

In honor of the wearin’ of the green, I know I could relate the traditional legend about St. Patrick ridding Ireland of snakes. Rather than perpetuate bullshit, though, here’s a real Irish story from my family tree about our proudest member, Grace O’Malley, the famed bald pirate from back in the day:

Grace O’Malley (also called Granuaile) was a famous pirate, seafarer, trader and chieftain in Ireland in the 1500′s. She was born in 1530 in County Mayo, Ireland and was the daughter of sea captain Owen O’Malley. As a young child, Grace always knew she wanted to be a sailor but as a female, she was discouraged repeatedly. Extremely upset when her father refused to take her on a sailing trip, legend has it Grace cut off all her hair and dressed in boys clothes to prove to her parents that she could handle the trip and live a seafarer’s life. Seeing this, her father and brother laughed aloud and nicknamed her “Grainne Mhaol” meaning “Bald Grace” (which is believed to have led to her nickname “Granuaile.”) Eventually, through her persistence, she was allowed to go to sea with her father and his fleet of ships.

In her later years, Grace developed her reputation as a fearless leader through her efforts in battle along side her followers. Legend has it that Grace gave birth to one of her sons while out to sea. The very next day following the birth of the baby, the ship was attacked by Turkish pirates. Though exhausted from giving birth Grace grabbed a gun, went on deck and proceded to rally her men against the Turks, forcing their retreat.

At 56 years old, Grace was captured by Sir Richard Bingham, a ruthless Governer appointed by the Queen to rule over the regranted territories. Soon after his appointment, Bingham sent guards to arrest Grace and have her hanged. Grace was apprehended and along with members of her clan, imprisoned and scheduled for execution. Determined to die with dignity, Grace held her head high as she awaited her execution. At the last minute, Grace’s son-in-law offered himself as a hostage in exchange for the promise that Grace would never return to her rebellious ways. Bingham released Grace on this promise but was determined to keep her from power and make her suffer for her insurrection. Over the course of time, Bingham was responsible for taking away her cattle, forcing her into poverty, even plotting the murder of her eldest son, Owen.

In short, she personified the best stuff to know about the Irish: We’re bawdy, witty, willful, and tough as shit. And the English are petty dickheads. The end. Now go get drunk and pick a fight with anyone with bad teeth.

17
Mar
09

Morons Dig Pop Music. Who Knew?

According to a PhD student’s dissertation work (and we all know that shit is golden), if you both like Beyonce and can feed yourself without incident, you’re way ahead of the curve.

The study was carried out by Virgil Griffiths, a PhD student in America, who compared students’ scores in SAT exams with their favourite music acts and genres by analysing data on social networking sites.

Those who prefer indie music are most intelligent, while pop, rock and gospel fans were all ranked at the lower end of the scale.

Fans of legendary acts like Queen, The Beatles, Jimi Hendrix, Frank Sinatra and Bob Marley are all around average and above when it comes to intelligence, according to Griffiths.

Radiohead, U2 and Bob Dylan all have intelligent fans, he said.

Fans of Beyonce, Timberlake and Jay-Z all tended to score below 1,000 on SAT scores, with the average being a mark of 1071 out of 1600.

Fans of Beethoven were way ahead of the rest with an average score of over 1300.

In the interest of full disclosure, I’m not totally averse to Beyonce’s music, and I think it’s its inoffensive nature which makes her base broader. And, let’s face it, more listeners in The U.S. = overall dumber listeners in the U.S. (and, really, I think it’s safe to say Sasha Fierce has outsold Beethoven’s 9th this year).

What I’m wondering if where the hell is Britney Spears and/or Michael Jackson on this chart? Doesn’t crazy make the cut anymore?




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