Will The Tripp/Trig Palin Mystery Scandal Ever Die?

God, I hope not. Is there anything in popular culture today as compelling as this surely-nonsensical-but-still-awesomely-captivating saga?

For the uninitiated, here’s the deal:

Some people in the super-liberal corner of the interwebs are swearing up and down (still and yet) that Sarah Palin is not Trig’s mother, but rather his grandmother (and that Bristol is actually his mother). Here’s a link that explains the various and sundry Myspace-based reasons why.

The latest installment? Turns out the pictures of Levi holding a baby that were shown during his Tyra interview (meant to show him as a caring father) look like they were actually of him with Trig (Bristol’s “maybe-brother”) and not Tripp.

Let me get this out of the way: This whole thing is crazy. Seriously, it’s nuts. BUT, here’s the part that I love so much…

Sarah Palin won’t let this thing die. Either she’s brilliant, knowing that this kind of ultra-left-wing muckraking will do nothing but make them look silly and her put-upon…or she’s an idiot who has no idea how to “rise above” a situation. Of course, I think the latter is the case, given her history of deft political maneuvering (Picking a fight with McCain’s people? Genius! Refusing the stimulus money on principal, before accepting it with your tail between your legs? Better yet!).

‘Kay, Sarah, here’s some advice: If the afore-linked chick “Audrey” calls you up and asks for a comment, tell her (in political jargon) to go fuck herself; if ADN,

She's my sister and my daughter!!!

however, contacts you wanting to put this thing to bed, don’t piss them off and call them assholes. And don’t, for the love of God, tell them that cockamamie story about your labor, cause ain’t nobody buying that a woman in labor with an at-risk child travels from Texas back to Alaska after her water breaks, just cause she loves home so much. It’s bullpucky, everyone knows it, and no one will doubt your pioneer-woman-type cred if you admit you needed your epidural.

I still think this Trig business is crap. But, while this type of made-up scandal is nakedly silly, that doesn’t mean they should be ignored. Look at Obama: That whole thing about his citizenship was by far the stupidest scandal of the election (especially given that he was running against someone BORN IN THE PANAMA CANAL). Still, he dutifully coughed up his birth certificate. Why? Cause ya have to, at some point, address these things or they’ll stick with you.

That said, here’s hoping no one ever gives her that advice (I’m assuming she doesn’t read my paltry little offerings), cause this shit’s so good, it just has to be fattening.

Cheney’s Got Moles!

No, not the cancer kind (evil never dies).

Seymour Hersch reports Cheney is employing old intelligence tricks to keep his fat doughy fingers in our collective pie.

“Are you saying that you think Vice President Cheney is still having a chilling effect on people who might otherwise be coming forward,” asked Gross. “I’ll make it worse,” answered Hersh, adding that he believes Cheney “put people back” in government to “stay behind” in order to “tell him what’s going on” and perhaps even “do sabotage”:

HERSH: I’ll make it worse. I think he’s put people left. He’s put people back. They call it a stay behind. It’s sort of an intelligence term of art. When you leave a country and, you know, you’ve driven out the, you know, you’ve lost the war. You leave people behind. It’s a stay behind that you can continue to contacts with, to do sabotage, whatever you want to do. Cheney’s left a stay behind. He’s got people in a lot of agencies that still tell him what’s going on. Particularly in defense, obviously. Also in the NSA, there’s still people that talk to him. He still knows what’s going on. Can he still control policy up to a point? Probably up to a point, a minor point. But he’s still there. He’s still a presence.

Quick side note: Has anyone ever seen Seymour Hersch and Dick Cheney in the same room at the same time? There seems to be a lot of unprecedented access to ol’ Cheney in Hersch’s world.