Archive for February 24th, 2009


Ol’ Man Rushdie Just Has to Shit On Slumdog’s Parade

Yeesh, man, let them enjoy themselves for a bit, m’Kay?

“The movie piles impossibility on impossibility,” he said in a lecture at Emory University in Atlanta.

Isn’t that kind of the job of movies and fantasy?

[He went on] raising questions over how the characters end up at the Taj Mahal, 1,000 miles from where they were in the previous scene

Cause it’s iconic and location-specific. In a movie.

[A]nd how [did] they manage to get their hands on a gun in India.

Cause the director gave them one, in order to heighten the drama.  Of a movie.

And I thought I was a cynic! Yeesh, man, lighten up; it’s a FABLE. You don’t sit around citing the implausibility of an elephant’s nose stretching, rather than coming off, when an alligator bites it, do you?

Besides, if you want to talk about impossible situations, one might argue that someone who looks like this

scoring someone who looks like this

or this

ranks high up there.

Oh yes, and, as an aside, I’d like to thank the Academy for reading my wee blog.


Happy NSFW Mardi Gras!

Naked Obama portraits are the only ones that should count:

Sao Paolo’s Carnival queen, Viviane Castro, presided over festivities with Obama painted on her right thigh and Brazilian President Luiz Inacio Lula da Silva’s face on her left (sinister?).

It’s a political statement to boot! That “For Sale” business scrawled in Portuguese across her belly, along with the two presidents, is supposed to represent the sale of parts of the Amazon to the U.S. (Hint: they’re against it). Worry about that later. though.

For now, pop some Dr. John, grab a few shot of Crown Royal, and feast today, lest tomorrow ye be dead (for 40 days).


A Children’s Treasury of Facts About Louisiana: Happy Mardi Gras!

On this fine Mardi Gras day, I’m reminded of my old stomping grounds in Baton Rouge. The world seems to be thinking about the big partay over there as well, since my beloved “Top Chef” featured a New Orleans finale (part 1) last week. Which reminded me: I need to correct a few sweet, but totally false, myths about New Orleans:

1. The New Orleans accent is not Southern. Not one actor in the history of cinema has gotten it right. It’s more like a New Jersey or Brooklyn accent than Mississippi. Want a good description? Check out Confederacy of Dunces. Well, check that book out anyway, since it’s awesome.

2. Gumbo is not omnipresent. It’s adorable that everyone on “Top Chef” was so worried about how the gumbo they felt compelled to make the Louisianans would compare to local fare. The truth? The guests they were serving probably wouldn’t know. In my eight years there, the most popular/served dishes were as follows: jambalaya (EVERY party has some), crawfish etouffee, boudin (with cane syrup, if you want the down-home flavah), meat/crawfish pies. Sure, gumbo’s around, but I have yet to see a local make/eat it.

3. Not all of Louisiana is composed of far-right Christians. Baton Rouge marks a dividing line between North and South Louisiana, and went blue last election, so 😛
North Louisiana (i.e. Shreveport) is Baptist, conservative, and basically no fun. South Louisiana (New Orleans, Lafayette) is Catholic, cajun, and a hoot and a half to be around. The motto of the old skool cajuns in the South is “Laissez le bons temp roulez,” and they really couldn’t care less how you get your kicks, so long as you get ’em.

4. Cajun is not Creole. I’m so tired of hearing people say those two words as if they’re interchangeable. They mean ENTIRELY different ethnicities. “Cajun” (derived from “Acadian”) people are descended from French-Canadians and the minorities with whom they intermarried (translation: they’re the po’ folk). “Creole” implies old European (French, Spanish) blood (translation: they’re the bosses). The foods, cultures, and ways of life of the two are different. If you want to learn the hard way, call someone of creole descent cajun, and watch their reaction. As you’re salving the scratches on your face afterward, you can look up the Wikipedia entry on the word “coonass”.

5. Don’t come to New Orleans speaking French. No one will understand you. They will, however, almost certainly loathe you.

Finally, I’d just like to issue a request that Emeril Lagasse be forced to forever leave the state, preferably with some sort of obelisk shoved in an inappropriately-small orifice. That douche doesn’t know how to cook (his sous chef runs his restaurants and cooks for him), isn’t from New Orleans, and his hometown paper (The Boston Globe) even called him out for his over-the-top non-presence in the wake of Hurricane Katrina. Also, I’d like to request that, upon shoving said obelisk in said orafice, someone yells “BAM!”

That is all.


Fox News Advocating Wondering if Civil War Is Imminent

Jesus Christ, I love the smell of desperation in the morning.

Here’s a fun excerpt of this excellent report:

But as feisty and fire-breathing as those outbursts are, nothing can match — for pure, illustrative derangement — the discussion below from Glenn Beck’s new Fox show this week, in which he and an array of ex-military and CIA guests ponder (and plot and plan) “war games” for the coming Civil War against Obama-led tyranny. It really has to be seen to be believed.

Here’s a link to the video, in case you don’t feel like reading about it.

EGADS, you tone-deaf idiot factory, this election was historic because it elected our first black president. And, four weeks later, you’re going to say that a national split should ensue because of it? And you’re going to liken it to the split that happened when the South wouldn’t give up their slaves??? Really?

‘Kay, let’s see what this proposed split would look like, then.

You keep these guys.

We keep these guys.

Wow, now that I’m thinking about it, what a great idea! And don’t worry; we won’t fight to keep you.

In short: Don’t let the door hit ya where the good lord split ya!


McCain Does Not ♥ Obama’s Fancy Ride

So everyone’s buzzing about McCain trying to take Obama to school. Little does he know, he’s already been! And done very well! See, kids, it pays not to graduate in the bottom .55% of your class! Here’s the exchange that’s reassuring the world that we elected the right one of these two guys:

Said the president’s former Republican rival, “Well, thank you, Mr. President. And thank you for doing this…Just one area that I wanted to mention that I think consumed a lot of our conversation on procurement, it was the issue of cost overruns in the Defense Department. We all know how large the defense budget is.”

And, McCain noted, “your helicopter is now going to cost as much as Air Force One. I don’t think that there’s any more graphic demonstration of how good ideas have — have cost taxpayers an enormous amount of money.”

Said Obama, “I’ve already talked to (Defense Secretary Robert) Gates about a thorough review of the helicopter situation.”

Added the president, to laughter, “the helicopter I have now seems perfectly adequate to me. Of course, I’ve never had a helicopter before. So, you know, maybe — maybe I’ve been deprived and I didn’t know it.But I think it is a — it is an — an example of the procurement process gone amuck, and — and we’re going to have to fix it.”

Obama better be careful, though, or McCain’s gonna send him another one of his nasty letters.

At the risk of inciting the Freepers to riot on my comment space, does anyone else find it ironic that he’s talking about not wasting money on aircraft? Then again, maybe he’s THE person to talk about how much they cost the American taxpayer, having forced the purchase of 5 replacements during his tenure at the Navy.


Rahm Emanuel Is Apparently Not Only My Effin’ Hero

The world’s sexiest foul-mouthed ballerina can now add hero to his resume. Rahm Emanuel recently had his night out at The Wrestler* interrupted by the poor guy next to him having a seizure. When the staff of the theater tried to move the guy outside so they could restart the movie, Rahm laid the verbal beat down on them, saying (rightfully so) that they should wait for EMS to arrive.

*How awesome is it to have a White House Chief of Staff going to see that movie on his night off??? Seriously, this guy has Obama’s ear, and he’s choosing to go see an artsy, thought-provoking, sometimes obscene piece of cinema. Egads, I adore him.

February 2009