01
Mar
09

Bobby Jindal is Not Having The Best Week Ever


Fasten yer seatbelts, Bobby. It's gonna be a bumpy night.

So maybe it’s just because I’m overly sentimental at the moment, since I’m in the midst of celebrating my daughter’s first birthday (hence the dearth of activity here…my apologies), but I feel sorry for Bobby Jindal.

Don’t get me wrong: He’s a tool. Really. Seriously, a tool. The night after Katrina hit, his minions were already out in Baton Rouge telling us how the tragedy was Blanco’s fault (I ran into a couple of them). What a shit. But, wow. What a week to go through. Let’s take a look at it, shall we?

Last weekend, he was still the GOP’s great brown hope. “Not easily caricatured”, he represented what could have been the perfect melding of Buckley’s love of intelligent conservatism and Huckabee’s love of intelligent design.

And then the speech. Oh, Chris Matthews, you harbinger of doom, you!

It began during the liveblogging. It is now a hugely popular internet meme. Bobby Jindal is Kenneth the Page from 30 Rock. (As an aside: Is anyone else getting the impression that the producers of 30 Rock are picking the GOP up-and-comers? Cause Jesus God, man, they could not have PRAYED for a better way to boost the ratings of their critical darling. Makes me wonder what would have happened had G.O.B. Bluth looked more like Dubya…)

That’s a funny, but harmless, fact of politics. People will mock your style. Especially when you have to speak after a guy who’s preternaturally gifted at holding a crowd in his hands and making them lovelovelove him (Christ, man, CONGRESSPEOPLE were asking for autographs after Obama’s speech? Are these guys 10 years old or something?). Here’s where I get teh sadz for him, though: He made up that whole yarn about Katrina and the sheriff. He fucking used Katrina as a tool to try to get one over on the American people, citing a conversation with a now-dead sheriff who couldn’t debunk it. And he thought no one would notice. What an ass, right? What an AMORAL PIECE OF SHIT, RIGHT???

Like I said, maternal instincts may be playing into this, but this particular move just makes me feel sorry for this dingus. Being so desperate to sound rational and reliable and knowledgeable about government failings that you assume you can lie about your whereabouts on a day when everyone in South Louisiana and Mississippi remembers where they were, who was there, and who was missing? Wow. The desperation in that move is so thick, you can practically taste it (why do I imagine it tastes like Aqua Velva?).

Here’s how I’m thinking of it:

She's fucking terrified.

Have you ever interviewed for a job for which you were hopelessly unqualified at the time, and yet thought you might be able to squeak by on passion alone? So you embellish like crazy, and hope no one notices? This is what Jindal was doing. This is what Palin did when she stunned the world with her daily consumption of newsprint. It’s a shitty thing to do, but it’s sadly more “relateable” than anything else these two shitheads have ever done, as far as I’m concerned. They just weren’t ready, but their overeager stage parents shoved them through the curtain and onstage anyway.

Anyway, so Jindal’s career is over, and now it’s on to the 13-year-old (more on that in a moment, time allowing). Think he’ll make a speech at the next RNC convention about his personal involvement in helping America recover from FDR’s evil socialist New Deal?

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