Archive for April 16th, 2009

16
Apr
09

DHS Report On Far-Right Nutjobs Ordered By Their Own Lord And Master

Oh dear. The poor extreme right. First, they get their panties all in a bunch because they’ve been reported on by the Department of Homeland Security for their increasingly dangerous extremism. And Fox News just happened to catch some of that rage in a bottle so we can watch/read it in perpetuity, per ThinkProgress:

– ANDREA TANTAROS: It’s free speech and the Obama administration is trying to shut it down.

– JAY ALAN SEKULOW: The Obama administration here under Department of Homeland Security has allowed a new regime to come into place that basically says this: Our focus is going to be on the right-wing groups.

– SEAN HANNITY: What do you think of that interpretation, especially coming from a guy that started his political career in the home of an unrepentant terrorist who bombed the Pentagon and capital and sat in Reverend Wright’s church for 20 years?

– DANA PERINO: If Bush had done that we would be having a very different conversation. It wouldn’t have taken a week to find it out. There would have been a special prosecutor. We would have had to come out and apologize.

Oh, Dana Perino. You’re so pretty. And so dumb. That must be why your boss didn’t trust you enough to tell you that these reports WERE of his own doing. And Fox News has it again!

However, this morning, Fox News’s Catherine Herridge revealed that the report, along with an earlier report on radicalized left-wing groups, was actually “requested by the Bush administration” but not completed until recently:

HERRIDGE: Well this is an element of the story which has largely gone unreported. One looks at right-wing groups, as you mentioned. And a second is on left-wing groups. Significantly, both were requested by the Bush administration but not finished until President Bush left office.

Eep!

First of all, I’m awaiting Ms. Herridge’s dismissal/disavowal/retraction of her dastardly fact-based reporting.

Secondly, and more importantly, I’m hoping this revelation will teach the extreme right something. After all, this was the President whose wire-tapping of everyone under the sun (including a member of Congress), was famous. What’s happening here is what happened in the story of the frog and the scorpion. Here’s a refresher on it:

A frog sees a scorpion on the side of a river. The scorpion asks the frog for a ride to the other side, to which the frog replies, “But if I give you a ride, you’ll bite me.” The scorpion reassures the frog that that’s impossible, since then the frog would sink and they would both be doomed to watery graves. The frog concedes, puts the scorpion on its back, and starts swimming. Halfway across, the scorpion bites the frog, and they both die.

Some say that you should take away from this that mutual destruction is inherent to dangerous alliances. As for me, I think the point is the following: Froggy, my friend, you knew what the scorpion’s nature was when you joined up with him. It’s a tough lesson, but still a necessary one.

In short, I envision the following conversation between teabaggers and Bush:

Teabagger: How could you spy on us?
Bush, holding up a copy of the Patriot Act: You knew what I was when you picked me up.

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16
Apr
09

American Apparel Claims Woody Allen’s A Child-Fucking Pervert

And, as such, his image is worth nothing. Which is why they’re allowed to use it in whatever ad they want whenever they want without paying him diddly (which, by the way, sounds like what he did to his stepdaughter).

“Woody Allen expects $10 million for use of his image on billboards that were up and down in less than one week,” [American Apparel lawyer Stuart] Slotnick said. “I think Woody Allen overestimates the value of his image.”

He said the company’s belief was that “after the various sex scandals that Woody Allen has been associated with, corporate America’s desire to have Woody Allen endorse their product is not what he may believe it is.”

Which is, of course, why they chose him to be in their campaign. Because there is nothing that sells clothes like pedophilia (insert “Girls Pants Half Off” joke here).

16
Apr
09

O’Reilly’s Stalker Now Up For Stalking By NY Times

That’s right: One of O’Reilly’s head “ambush” producers refused three times to comment on the article the New York Times just put together about the “O’Reilly Factor” using ambush-style tactics in its interviewing. Looks like it’s time to camp outside his house!

The Fox News producer responsible for most of the ambush interviews, Jesse Watters, refused repeated interview requests.

Maybe more hilarious than this, though, is the trend the article (correctly, I believe) claims O’Reilly is following. What was once a staple of Mike Wallace and his ilk has now found its bastard red-headed stepchild in the guise of…that’s right, Michael Moore!

Rather than “60 Minutes,” the confrontations may bring to mind the liberal filmmaker Michael Moore, who documented his attempts to ambush the chairman of General Motors in his 1989 film “Roger & Me” and later asked members of Congress to enlist their children to serve in Iraq in 2004’s “Fahrenheit 9/11.”

Mr. O’Reilly has rejected the comparison, saying on Fox in 2006 that Mr. Moore is “doing it to put it in his movie and exploit it,” while “I’m doing it because there’s no other way to hold these villains accountable.”

Because O’Reilly doesn’t put these interviews on tape for a show he does. And he doesn’t get paid for said show. He’s such a goddamned philanthropist and man of the people, that one.

16
Apr
09

Rick Perry Is Obviously A Secret Liberal , Wants Texas To Secede Also

Gawd, Rick Perry, you are seriously amazing. Here I thought you were a die hard conservative, but then I read your diatribe against the government intrusion on our personal lives:

I believe that our federal government has become oppressive in its size, its intrusion into the lives of our citizens…

Which is, of course, why you support gay marriage and hate wire-tapping, right?

So then you start in on why Texas should secede, which the most extreme of liberals have been craving since the Bush legacy began.

[After a teabagging rally, while] answering news reporters’ questions, Perry suggested Texans might at some point get so fed up they would want to secede from the union, though he said he sees no reason why Texas should do that.

“There’s a lot of different scenarios,” Perry said. “We’ve got a great union. There’s absolutely no reason to dissolve it. But if Washington continues to thumb their nose at the American people, you know, who knows what might come out of that. But Texas is a very unique place, and we’re a pretty independent lot to boot.”

What next, Governor Perry? Are you going to start opining that Trig Palin is not actually Sarah Palin’s son? Maybe team up with Dennis Kucinich to try to retroactively impeach Bush and Cheney? Lunch with Bernie Saunders?

Gotta say, though, for once that every-present Bushian response to dissent (“Why do you hate America?”) seems aptly applied.