Archive for April 23rd, 2009



So, let me get this straight:

– Jane Harman told some guy she’d try to help out AIPAC and Israeli spies and what not.
– She didn’t get prosecuted because Alberto Gonzalez needed her.
– He needed her to promote warrantless wiretapping.
– Her maybe-crime was discovered because she was overheard on a wiretap.
– She is outraged at having been recorded and investigated without being notified.

Sometimes I love to read the news.


Big. Dick.

Is 2009 a special year for Dick Cheney? Did his numerologist tell him he should spend ALL of it doing interviews, something he rarely did ever before in his life?

I understand wanting to protect your legacy. I understand wanting to defend your policies. But that’s what the last year you’re in office is for. After that, you’re supposed to maintain your legacy by shutting the fuck up. It’s seen as classy and…well, not evil.

Well, Dick Cheney’s having none of it, I tell you, NONE OF IT!!! He will NOT go gently into any good night until we all know what an all-fired methodically fucking evil son of a bitch he really is. And not just in the sense that he loves torturing people to try to link Al Qaeda to Iraq so his idiot man-child president can go ahead with the war he’s DYING to engage in over there. Oh no! Lest you forget, he’s also a world-class asshat when it comes to the economy!

In an interview on Fox News — portions of which aired Tuesday night — the former vice president said he is “very concerned” about where the Obama administration is taking the country economically.

“I worry very much that we’re in a situation now where there doesn’t appear to be any limitation whatsoever in terms of the spending commitments that this administration wants to make,” he said. “Vast expansion in terms of the deficit, but it also says a lot about what they intend for the role of government in this society.”

White House officials have predicted the country’s deficit will soar to $1.75 trillion this year, after the administration’s efforts to bail out troubled financial companies and stabilize the nation’s flailing economy. Obama has also pledged to cut the deficit in half by the end of his first term, a promise critics doubt is possible to keep. (Related: Obama defends budget as essential to recovery)

But beyond rising deficits, Cheney said he is concerned the administration is fundamentally “redefining that relationship between government, on the one hand, and the private sector on the other.”

“I’m one of those people who believes that part of the greatness of the United States is our private sector. “It’s what we do as private citizens for ourselves and our companies,” he said, later adding, “I think we have to be very, very cautious. I think we’ve gone beyond what reasonably we could expect by way of intrusion into the private sector.”

First of all, Dick, this ain’t news. We all know how you feel. And secondly, if you’re trying to HELP your legacy, why even bring up excessive government spending (the retort is so obviously to throw the deficit you created back in your face) or confidence in the private sector? Because you’re going to create some positive views of your policies by saying how bankers and corporations know best? In THIS climate???

I used to give ol’ Dick points for consistency, and for the veracity of his genuine beliefs. However, you can’t claim what you did wasn’t torture, AND that we were going to the “dark side” by using it. You can’t say that state secrets are sacred AND out an active CIA agent. And, you can’t guard your secrets more jealously than anyone ever in the second-highest office in the land AND be on a media blitz.

Big. Dick.


Mia Farrow Goes On A Hunger Strike For Publicity Darfur

Mia Farrow has just announced she will go on a hunger strike to show solidarity with the people of Darfur.

“I’m just an actress,” Farrow said Wednesday by phone from her home in rural Connecticut. “I’m not presuming anybody will care whether I starve to death or whether I go on a long hunger strike or what. But it’s a personal matter. I can’t be among those that watch _ and I honestly couldn’t think of anything else to do.”

‘Kay, let me start off by saying I think Mia Farrow is probably a very nice person, and it certainly seems her heart is in the right place. I also have no doubt she feels enormously strongly about the cause, and that I appreciate that she has long been a reasonably effective activist (the previous generation’s Angelina Jolie, if you will).

That said, I must say I’m surprised she can’t think of anything else to do but fast for 21 days (just long enough to get some attention, but not long enough to do any damage). That’s really all you could come up with? Did David Blaine give her the notion this was a bonafide way to get the public on your side?

The point of hunger strikes is to force a government to choose between letting somebody starve to death out of cruel obstinance to their demands. If you’re already showing your hand (i.e. that you’ll be just fine), this kind of sounds like you were meaning to lose some weight anyway, and, hey, why not remind people about Darfur while you’re at it.

Plus, you’re just doing this for you, so you can sleep at night? Erm…then…is the press conference just to sell some extra Sham Wows you had lying around?

Lastly, she just seems to not have thought this through exactly. Like I said before, hunger strikes are an enormously effective and powerful way to force the hand of policy-makers in extreme cases. But, you have to (a) admit you want the publicity (otherwise, it really is just a diet), and, more importantly, (b) STATE YOUR DEMANDS. What do you hope to accomplish? What social justice will sate your empty belly? What the hell are you fighting FOR?


Glenn Beck Gets Wood On His Radio Show. Really.

While thinking about both shooting deer AND cutting down trees, he said:

“I need some Barry White music!” Beck exclaimed, “This is almost full-fledged light some candles! This is eroticism!”

Poor guy. Aside from the $10 handjobs he gets from parking lot trannies, I assume this is as close as he’s ever come to blowing an actual load.


Would You Pay To Waterboard Sean Hannity?

Oh, God, a thousand times YES!!!!!!!! This torture business may be causing me sleepless nights, due to the sheer enormity of the evil we’re talking about, but at least it’s leading to hilarious developments now and again.

First, Christopher Hitchens got waterboarded, an act suggested by his editor because of Hitch’s reputation as a total asshole spectacular journalist:

And now, even douchier Sean Hannity just offered to be waterboarded for charity.

From Charles Grodin (he has a show?):

GRODIN: You’re for torture.

HANNITY: I am for enhanced interrogation.

GRODIN: You don’t believe it’s torture. Have you ever been waterboarded?

HANNITY: No, but Ollie North has.

GRODIN: Would you consent to be waterboarded? We can waterboard you?


GRODIN: Are you busy on Sunday?

HANNITY: I’ll do it for charity. I’ll let you do it. I’ll do it for the troops’ families.

Is this what “hopegasm” feels like?

April 2009