Archive for May 4th, 2009


Happy Monday! Michele Bachmann Talks About Wad-Blowing!

This. Is. Epic.

All the funneh in the universe are belong to Michele Bachmann’s noggin.


Everyone H8s Palin: Mitt Romney Edition

In an interview with John King (people still do those?), both Eric Cantor and Mitt Romney were asked about the paucity of Republicans in the recent Time magazine list of 100 Most Influential People:

KING: As you launch this effort, anyone who picks up Time magazine this week and sees the 100 most influential people, will see two Republicans in that magazine. They’ll see Sarah Palin and Rush Limbaugh. Is that helpful, hurtful, indifferent?

…(Editor’s note: Has anyone ever given a shit about what Cantor says?)

ROMNEY: John, I’d like to have a lot more influential Republicans. I think there are a lot more influential Republicans than that would suggest. But was that the issue on the most beautiful people or the most influential people? I’m not sure. If it’s the most beautiful, I understand. We’re not real cute.

Oh, Mittens, you’re plenty cute. That answer, for example, was fucking adorable.


GOP Want Dana Perino To Blow Advise Them

Politico’s got a shocking headline up, claiming that the GOP is looking to Dubya’s aides (read: the asshats who got them into this ditch) for help.
Former White House press secretary Dana Perino, former Bush counselor Ed Gillespie and former White House deputy press secretary Tony Fratto are among those set to provide words of wisdom to House Republican press secretaries at their annual workshop this Friday.

GOP House Conference Communications Director Matt Lloyd said Perino, Gillespie and Fratto represented “the gold standard for Republican communications professionals” and were obvious choices to advise the party’s messengers…

“We are battle-tested,” said Perino, who was Bush’s last press secretary.

No, Dana. You’re just cute as a button is all. And, seeing as there are still some straight members of the Republicans yet (5%?), that’s all ya gotta be.


Obama Totes Gonna Break Up The Salchicha-Fest: MSM

No one knows what the hell is going on in Obama’s mind most of the time. I like to think it’s a rosy, haloed montage of kittens, all viewed through the thick haze of nicotine with Al Green in the background (Honestly, how the hell does he stay so cool in the midst of all this shit?). So it’s not too often that the entirety of the mainstream media comes to the same conclusion about the same thing. This, however, is one of those times: When it comes to replacing David Souter, Obama’s looking for a coupla good X chromosomes, preferably bien caliente.

Normally I hate this shit. I really do. I hate the idea of either giving or denying someone a job based on their genitalia, and I’ve fought against that idea for the entirety of my riot grrrl-y life. This time, however, I think an exception has to be made.

What the hell is going on with the Supreme Court? How in the sam hell can a court, which is supposed to rule on the most important issues concerning the American populous, be so ridiculously non-indicative of said populace? One woman? No Latinos? How the fuck can 50.7% and 14.4% of the population be represented by less than 1% and 0% of Supreme Court justices, respectively?

Yeah, so, I hate to admit it, but the general consensus is not only likely correct, but needs to be likely correct.

The GOP may now resume its red-alert terror campaign against whatever imaginary Latina is dancing in their minds (Sonia Sotomayor).


Arlen Specter Is A New Democrat, But Still An Old Fuckface

Oh, Arlen Specter, you’re such a power-hungry asshole. And, come 2010, you’ll still be a power-hungry asshole, but one without a pot to piss in on either side of the political spectrum.

Specter announces he won’t back EFCA or health care:

On the Employee Free Choice Act, which would allow for easier unionization, Specter strongly suggested — as he did during the speech announcing his party switch — that he would support a filibuster of the legislation. “I’m still against that bill,” he said. “Democrats are all for it. Republicans are all against it. I’m the critical vote. If I see that there are other issues where I feel a matter of conscience, I will continue a filibuster against legislation.”

On a public option for health insurance — which conservatives claim will end the private market, but most observers say could bring down the costs of coverage for millions of Americans — Specter said he would be in opposition. “That’s what I said and that’s what I meant,” he added later, when asked if he would vote “no” on public health care.

This is why he’s going to lose the primary in Pennsylvania, regardless of the letter next to his name. I don’t care what Joe Biden offered him; there’s no way ol’ Joey B. can guarantee no wet-behind-the-ear Democrat in all of PA isn’t going to be salivating at the idea he could run against this old douchebag, even if he does boast a “magic bullet” in his arsenal.

Farewell, fuckwit!

May 2009