13
May
09

Cheerios Are Officially A Drug

What I’ve always suspected turns out to be true, according to the FDA: Cheerios is classified as a drug. Of course they are. Just look what the kids do for them:

Citing a clinical study, the product labels also claim that eating two servings a day of Cheerios helps to reduce bad cholesterol when eaten as part of a diet low in saturated fat and cholesterol, the FDA letter says.

Those claims indicate that Cheerios — said by General Mills to be the best-selling cereal in the United States — is intended to be used to lower cholesterol and prevent, lessen or treat the disease hypercholesterolemia, and to treat and prevent coronary heart disease.

“Because of these intended uses, the product is a drug,” the FDA concluded in its letter.

As a relatively new mom, I’d already figured this out. My child, born and womb-bred in Spain, has no interest in Cheerios, while her cousins go batshit nuts if they’re out. There can be only one explanation: The addiction was formed in the womb. Mom ate ’em, baby’s addicted. It works. Just ask crackheads.

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4 Responses to “Cheerios Are Officially A Drug”


  1. August 21, 2009 at 12:09

    hey. may be that cheerios are drugs, i don’t know much about ’em. I just got a hell of time tryin’ to get some of those cheerios, it’s almost impossible to buy them in germany, and please, i do not feel like paying 10€ to any british whatever-ebay-guy, just to let him go into a grocery and get me my cheerios! this is just too expensive, and i have not thought of the shipment costs yet. oh boy, that’s too much for me.

  2. 2 BOB
    September 12, 2009 at 18:32

    Typical Americans and their over the top reactions… cheerios help keep a healthy heart because they contain nutrients that help do that, they are not a drug. sighhhh.

    • 3 John
      April 18, 2010 at 02:54

      Don’t knock the Americans!!!! If you could read BOB she clearly states she is from Spain. Thank you. Illiterate Please write for help!!

  3. 4 Graham
    January 7, 2010 at 14:19

    Bob,
    You are short sighted and, like most Europeans [or where ever you’re from] you just can’t help yourself: you just HAVE to bash Americans. Go jump in a lake pal.
    We are anything but “typical”


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