08
Jun
09

About Fucking Time

We all know that two American journalists, Laura Ling and Euna Lee, are being held in North Korea for supposed treasonous acts (but really as leverage so North Korea can continue its nuclear weapons program without the U.S. stopping them). Their trial date was set for June 5, which everyone thought was a good sign (they rarely even set trial dates). And then the nuclear test happened, and our attempts at diplomacy with Pyongyang were shot to shit.

Long story short: The two innocent American women were just sentenced to 12 years hard labor.

The thing that’s been amazing me about this is that they work for Al fucking Gore’s TV station, and where the hell has he been? No one can tell me that Laura Ling’s sister, Lisa–who is moderately famous for having been on some mid-morning talk television show–would hold more sway in a public statement than a previous Vice President of the United States (and elected President, but I digress).

Anyway, so it appears that Gore may finally be getting off his fat ass and getting over there tout de suite to campaign for these poor women’s lives.

In a column published May 9 in the Washington Post, Victor Cha, a former adviser to president George W. Bush on North Korea, suggested that President Barack Obama’s administration should send Gore to Pyongyang.

“The United States needs to send a high-level envoy to North Korea to bring these women home. The obvious candidate would be Gore,” wrote Cha, who is now a a professor at Georgetown University.

“The North Koreans would respect someone of his stature, and his stake in the issue would make his mission eminently credible,” he added.

“Without fear of setting or breaking diplomatic precedent, he could issue whatever ‘apologies’ were necessary to secure the two women’s release,” according to Cha. “Similar token apologies have been issued in the past.”

In the 1990s, Washington obtained the release of two US nationals who were arrested by the North Koreans. One was a young man suspected of espionage and the other was a military helicopter pilot who was shot down after having entered North Korean air space.

Meanwhile, Hillary’s putting on the big-boy pants and looking to interdict their shipments, in the name of blocking their nuclear weapons program. As she said Sunday, “We will do everything we can to both interdict it and prevent it and shut off their flow of money,” she said. “If we do not take significant and effective action against the North Koreans now, we’ll spark an arms race in Northeast Asia. I don’t think anybody wants to see that.” Sure, North Korea said this would be an act of war, but what don’t they think is an act of war? Shit, that’s practically what they said about the two journalists who unknowingly and unwittingly stepped over some arbitrary line in China, thereby infiltrating Dear Leader’s lair with malicious intent. Feh.

If this tough tack doesn’t work to stop the little man from jumping up and down till we notice him, perhaps we should try the loving approach. After all, everyone else who hates us has gotten a visit from our internationally-beloved Unicorn King, and we all know Kim Jong Il lerves him some American rock/movie stars. So, get ready, Hopey: You may have to jump in bed with this:

I’m sure he’s only hotter now that he’s been dead for a while.

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1 Response to “About Fucking Time”


  1. June 8, 2009 at 23:03

    Sweet Baby Jesus – where did that last picture come from?

    I was curious about Gore’s involvement (or lack thereof), too…


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