Archive for the 'The Teevee Machine' Category

23
Dec
11

Colbert guest editorial: Naming rights, state mottoes and the GOP primary + video – Editorial Columns – TheState.com

Colbert guest editorial: Naming rights, state mottoes and the GOP primary + video – Editorial Columns – TheState.com.

01
Jun
09

Your Daily Reason To Hate Bill O’Reilly: Dr. Tiller Edition

Oh, Bill O’Reilly, you’re such a colossal douche. And Salon is documenting this week’s evidence.

Tiller’s name first appeared on “The Factor” on Feb. 25, 2005. Since then, O’Reilly and his guest hosts have brought up the doctor on 28 more episodes, including as recently as April 27 of this year. Almost invariably, Tiller is described as “Tiller the Baby Killer.”

Tiller, O’Reilly likes to say, “destroys fetuses for just about any reason right up until the birth date for $5,000.” He’s guilty of “Nazi stuff,” said O’Reilly on June 8, 2005; a moral equivalent to NAMBLA and al-Qaida, he suggested on March 15, 2006. “This is the kind of stuff happened in Mao’s China, Hitler’s Germany, Stalin’s Soviet Union,” said O’Reilly on Nov. 9, 2006.

O’Reilly has also frequently linked Tiller to his longtime obsession, child molestation and rape. Because a young teenager who received an abortion from Tiller could, by definition, have been a victim of statutory rape, O’Reilly frequently suggested that the clinic was covering up for child rapists (rather than teenage boyfriends) by refusing to release records on the abortions performed.

The article goes on, chronicling O’Reilly’s characterization of Dr. Tiller as a murderer on the loose, who was willing to give a woman an abortion at any point in her pregnancy if she was merely anxious, headache-y, or bummed about being dumped by her boyfriend.

Salon does point out that the fuckface will undoubtedly, and un-self-consciously, decry Dr. Tiller’s murder as lawless vigilanteism.

So, if you’re keeping track: Fueling hate? Check. Taking the blame when it explodes? I wait with baited breath to see.

29
May
09

Geraldo Gives Full-Throated Endorsement of Sotomayor. She’s Doomed.

Did you think Geraldo Rivera has drowned on what he could only hope was his own sick after a particularly ebullient self-fellating bender? Why, no! He’s giving interviews still. To people who write down his words and get paid for it. *shrug*

Here he is giving the popular Sonia Sotomayor just what she really needed:

The Fox News host was so excited about the high court’s first Hispanic nominee that he leapt from his chair in his home office and bopped his head on a low-hanging light fixture.

“This is as important to us as Obama was to the African American community. I have goosebumps,” says Rivera, 65, born to a Catholic, Puerto Rican father and Jewish mother. He defines himself as the former.

So now she doesn’t have to worry about the narcissists-with-soup-strainers vote, she can just go kick back with a Hot Pocket. She will never work again.

12
May
09

Note To Greta Van Susteren: Todd Palin Is Just Not That Into You

Oh dear, Greta, this just won’t end well. We all saw what a giggling schoolgirl you were around Todd Palin when you interviewed him during the campaign. And as badly as I know you want to jump him, and as much as being permitted to squire him about D.C. lately seems like a good portent, I gotta do a widdle reality check. You look like this:

Your competition looks like this:

Sorry, kiddo. This one likes pretty chicks.

04
May
09

Everyone H8s Palin: Mitt Romney Edition

In an interview with John King (people still do those?), both Eric Cantor and Mitt Romney were asked about the paucity of Republicans in the recent Time magazine list of 100 Most Influential People:

KING: As you launch this effort, anyone who picks up Time magazine this week and sees the 100 most influential people, will see two Republicans in that magazine. They’ll see Sarah Palin and Rush Limbaugh. Is that helpful, hurtful, indifferent?

…(Editor’s note: Has anyone ever given a shit about what Cantor says?)

ROMNEY: John, I’d like to have a lot more influential Republicans. I think there are a lot more influential Republicans than that would suggest. But was that the issue on the most beautiful people or the most influential people? I’m not sure. If it’s the most beautiful, I understand. We’re not real cute.

Oh, Mittens, you’re plenty cute. That answer, for example, was fucking adorable.

29
Apr
09

Glenn Beck, You Swine

I. Am. Nostradamus.

When this whole Swine Flu thing broke, I turned to my husband and said, “Wouldn’t it be hilarious and awful if people like Lou Dobbs said we only caught it here because of illegal Mexican immigrants? Hahahaha.” Well, I was wrong about Lou Dobbs spreading the word, but it’s certainly out there:

“Illegal aliens are bringing in a deadly new flue strain. Make no mistake about it,” blares Michael Savage.

“I’ve blogged for years about the spread of contagious diseases from around the world into the US as a result of uncontrolled immigration,” writes Michelle Malkin.

“What happens if there’s a rash of deaths in Mexico… and if you’re a family in Mexico and people are dying and Americans are not, why wouldn’t you flood this border?” announces Glenn Beck.

These loud mouths are also trying to convince their audiences that Islamic terrorists have somehow been able to do what has eluded scientists elsewhere in the world — concoct a deadly new flu virus — and then introduce it into the Mexican population.

“What better way to sneak a virus into this country than to give it to Mexicans….then spread a rumor there there are construction jobs here, and there they come,” blathers [Neal] Boortz.

Savage — “make no mistake about it” — believes that radical Islamic countries planted the virus in Mexico knowing that humans make the “perfect mules for bringing the strain into America.”

Let’s look at this ridiculous hate-mongering: It’s blatantly wrong, overtly racist, and absolutely tone-deaf. That’s right, it’s a ConservaYAHTZEE!

It’s one thing to use this pandemic for selfish purposes. Hell, the media’s doing the same thing, calling it a “killer virus” (has anyone who’s been treated not gotten better?) that’s run amok (it’s a ratings BONANZA!). Using it, however, to divide a country that is actively trying to unite…well, that’s a specialty only of today’s GOP.

It’s a big tent, motherfucker.

28
Apr
09

4Chan Pwns Time

First, these guys infiltrate beloved institutions like “America’s Next Top Model”, and now this? What next? Hacking into a Disney site and making Mickey do things to Goofy that are illegal in 48 states (like get married)???

To tell the truth, I’m a bit ambivalent about what 4chan’s many, many minions have done to Time’s new poll on “The Most Influential People In The World”. On the one hand, it’s a stupid poll set up by an obsolete news source (which is, in the words of Jon Stewart, for people who like USA Today but wish it were shinier), so it might as well be these guys that fuck with it as Colbert fans. Plus, the reference to “marble cake” made me spit coffee onto my keyboard.

On the other, ol’ Chris Poole disseminating his influence into mainstream channels can only help our poor aging population come to grips with the fact that they don’t matter anymore. Come on, moot, they have so little left already (teeth, bladder control, calcium, naturally-occurring erections).

Side note: Li’l Wayne was in the running?