Posts Tagged ‘bachmann

12
May
09

Michael Steele Loves Beauty Pageants, Hates Homos

Noted hilarious idiot, RNC Chairman Michael Steele, just said this crazy thing Friday, so that the other crazy things he says most other days wouldn’t get lonely:

“What was so outstanding about Miss California, let’s do a little parallel… This is what an empathetic judge looks like,” Steele said of celeb-blogger Perez Hilton. “The empathetic judge in this case, the judge of the bsteeleeauty pageant, asked this woman a question and instead of taking her answer at face value, he was empathetic to a particular community and he thought her answer should be favorably disposed towards that particular community. And as a consequence she answered a different way. She answered honestly. She answered based on the facts of her situation, the facts of her upbringing, the facts of this country, which by and large sides with her.”

“To even get off on this tangent of asking her a socially controversial question and then getting ticked off because you don’t like her answer. Then what the heck did you ask the question for? Just because she is Miss California you presume she is going to have a left-of-center answer on gay marriage? Come on. This is the slippery slope this nation is putting itself on and I’m telling you folks to stop it. Don’t go there.”

First of all, you’re supposed to ask socially controversial questions during a competition based around poise. Asking some dumb bitch if she likes applesauce ain’t gonna cut it.

Secondly, I hate to break it to Mr. Steele, but…ahem…you’re empathizing with said dumb bitch. Yes, YOU are, in fact, evincing the very quality you find so abhorrent in a judge.

Lastly, though, I need to thank Michael Steele for reminding me that we all have dreams. I, for one, would rather be swimming naked in a sawbuck sea for the rest of my life. But I can’t begrudge the man his.

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07
May
09

Save Michele Bachmann!


Nonononono!!!!

Elwyn Tinklenberg is going to run against Michele Bachmann again! For those who don’t remember, he barely lost to her last time, probably because she had only just said one totally insane thing at the time of the election. Given the veritable cavalcade of horse diarrhea that has emanated from her gaping maw since then, this guy may well take her public forum away from her in 2010.

But, no! What do you have to offer to the humor addicts of the United States, Elwyn Tinklenburg? Your name? Sure, it’s hilarious, but it’s kind of one-note. What kind of daily hilarious and public fuckups are YOU willing to make, man???

Next thing you know, Alan Keyes will be run over by a bus, Sarah Palin will be relegated to housewifery, and the world will never laugh again.

04
May
09

Happy Monday! Michele Bachmann Talks About Wad-Blowing!

This. Is. Epic.

All the funneh in the universe are belong to Michele Bachmann’s noggin.

01
May
09

Michele Bachmann Is No Smalley Hoot

Happy Friday, all! I may just designate this day Michele Bachmann Hilarity day every week, but…she’s really too much gift for only one day. Regardless, here’s some more herstory (shout out to the Feminazis in the house) to get you ready for the weekend.

For each historical inaccuracy now, drink!

In case you didn’t spot ’em, here they are:

1. It’s Smoot-Hawley.

2. It was passed in 1930. FDR hadn’t been elected yet.

3. It was repealed by FDR in 1934.

4. It was written by Republicans. It’s actually quite famous. Really, it’s one of the cornerstones of conservative thinking from that era, and is a frequent example in any Economics 101 class (although I’m betting Olbermann joins me in first hearing about it from Ben Stein in Ferris Bueller’s Day Off).

Go back again now and watch. And drink. And again. And again.

01
May
09

Michele Bachmann Outdone!

Crazy like a Foxx…

Virginia Foxx just couldn’t sit back and let Michele Bachmann get all the attention for being the wingnuttiest wingnut ever to wingnut. After hearing what was sure to be another Bachmann classic (fighting against the extension of hate crimes legislation to include homophobic crimes), she launched into the following diatribe about how Matthew Shepard wasn’t killed because he was gay, the whole thing’s a big liberal hoax, and we’re all a bunch of idiot pig-fuckers if we think different.

BONUS: She did this in front of Matthew Shepard’s mother.

Congratulations, Virginia Foxx, you’re officially less funny and more monstrous than Bachmann could ever hope to be!

29
Apr
09

Michele Bachmann Knows You Need A Laugh Today. Here Ya Go!


Gawd, how I love when someone interviews this woman. From Pajamas TV*:

*Is that the best she could do?

“I find it interesting that it was back in the 1970s that the swine flu broke out then under another Democrat president Jimmy Carter. And I’m not blaming this on President Obama, I just think it’s an interesting coincidence.”

Does she also find it interesting that that’s totally famously completely untrue? That Ford booted the response to said outbreak, lost the election maybe kinda sorta because of that, and THEN Carter was POTUS?

Prolly not.

24
Apr
09

Michele Bachmann Is Janice Dickinson, But Crazier And Less Fun

Separated At Birth

Michele Bachman cold h8s Janet Napolitano, and wants her ass outta DHS. And, of course she does. Because Napolitano DARED complete a study ordered by Bush that looked into the extremist movements on both sides of the political aisle. Dammit, Janet, don’t you know only hippies are dangerous? Have you ever been cornered in an elevator with a bunch of people wearing patchouli???

So, anyway, something occurred to me while watching her rant:

Namely, I felt I had sort of seen it before, but been more entertained.

Crazy? Check. Hot, in an overly-Botoxed way? Check. More adorable than scary when ranting about imaginary threats? Check.

Has anyone ever seen these two in the same room together?