Posts Tagged ‘jindal


Bobby Jindal is Not Having The Best Week Ever

Fasten yer seatbelts, Bobby. It's gonna be a bumpy night.

So maybe it’s just because I’m overly sentimental at the moment, since I’m in the midst of celebrating my daughter’s first birthday (hence the dearth of activity here…my apologies), but I feel sorry for Bobby Jindal.

Don’t get me wrong: He’s a tool. Really. Seriously, a tool. The night after Katrina hit, his minions were already out in Baton Rouge telling us how the tragedy was Blanco’s fault (I ran into a couple of them). What a shit. But, wow. What a week to go through. Let’s take a look at it, shall we?

Last weekend, he was still the GOP’s great brown hope. “Not easily caricatured”, he represented what could have been the perfect melding of Buckley’s love of intelligent conservatism and Huckabee’s love of intelligent design.

And then the speech. Oh, Chris Matthews, you harbinger of doom, you!

It began during the liveblogging. It is now a hugely popular internet meme. Bobby Jindal is Kenneth the Page from 30 Rock. (As an aside: Is anyone else getting the impression that the producers of 30 Rock are picking the GOP up-and-comers? Cause Jesus God, man, they could not have PRAYED for a better way to boost the ratings of their critical darling. Makes me wonder what would have happened had G.O.B. Bluth looked more like Dubya…)

That’s a funny, but harmless, fact of politics. People will mock your style. Especially when you have to speak after a guy who’s preternaturally gifted at holding a crowd in his hands and making them lovelovelove him (Christ, man, CONGRESSPEOPLE were asking for autographs after Obama’s speech? Are these guys 10 years old or something?). Here’s where I get teh sadz for him, though: He made up that whole yarn about Katrina and the sheriff. He fucking used Katrina as a tool to try to get one over on the American people, citing a conversation with a now-dead sheriff who couldn’t debunk it. And he thought no one would notice. What an ass, right? What an AMORAL PIECE OF SHIT, RIGHT???

Like I said, maternal instincts may be playing into this, but this particular move just makes me feel sorry for this dingus. Being so desperate to sound rational and reliable and knowledgeable about government failings that you assume you can lie about your whereabouts on a day when everyone in South Louisiana and Mississippi remembers where they were, who was there, and who was missing? Wow. The desperation in that move is so thick, you can practically taste it (why do I imagine it tastes like Aqua Velva?).

Here’s how I’m thinking of it:

She's fucking terrified.

Have you ever interviewed for a job for which you were hopelessly unqualified at the time, and yet thought you might be able to squeak by on passion alone? So you embellish like crazy, and hope no one notices? This is what Jindal was doing. This is what Palin did when she stunned the world with her daily consumption of newsprint. It’s a shitty thing to do, but it’s sadly more “relateable” than anything else these two shitheads have ever done, as far as I’m concerned. They just weren’t ready, but their overeager stage parents shoved them through the curtain and onstage anyway.

Anyway, so Jindal’s career is over, and now it’s on to the 13-year-old (more on that in a moment, time allowing). Think he’ll make a speech at the next RNC convention about his personal involvement in helping America recover from FDR’s evil socialist New Deal?


Alert The Media! Pr0n Industry Does Something Degrading To A Woman!

I know I shouldn’t be shocked. Well, truth be told, I’m not…at the first part.

Octuplets’ Mom Offered $1 Million To Do One Porn Movie.

This part of the offer is not really offensive to me, mostly because I expected it sooner, and also because I don’t mind mocking this woman a bit. In and of itself, it’s a bit offensive, but the offense is of the de rigeur sort. Nope, it’s the next part of the offer that got me into a feminist froth:

Vivid Entertainment spokeswoman Jackie Martin says the offer [to make her a contract girl] also promises a year of health insurance for Nadya Suleman and her 14 children.

That’s predatory and evil and just not fair. Want to take the piss out of a crazy lady? Fine. Want to blackmail a destitute and desperate woman (who has what appears to be trauma-induced views on sexuality already) by using her children’s well-being as bait? Not fine.

I suppose I may be overreacting, in large part because I’m currently in a job I hate solely to ensure that my daughter gets to stay in Europe for long enough to become a citizen (so she can have all the free health care and cheap education she wants). While my work environment is degrading and depressing, there is no work atmosphere that could be more so than a porn set for someone who thinks sex is disgusting.

So, damn you, Vivid Entertainment! You’re making me feel for this crazy bitch!

But, rather than blame the proverbial dog for licking itself, I’m going to blame the Republicans for this. That’s right, the good ol’ GOP has created this situation by blocking mandatory health care for all citizens of the United States.

Fuckin’ Bobby Jindal just evinced the very reason we moved from the States. Just like when his parents arrived from India, I arrived in Spain pregnant. Just like his parents, I wasn’t eligible for health insurance in the States. Unlike his parents, I booked it to where I could deliver my baby, stay in the hospital for a couple days, and be sure she can get her vaccinations, antibiotics, and checkups without us going into the poorhouse. Jindal’s parents, however, had to pay off his delivery and subsequent medical care for years. And he bragged about it. As though it’s a fucking badge of honor to have to pay for something the rest of the world (rightfully) considers basic sanitation. And he’s telling this to a country in a goddamned depression, as though our government refusing to help its citizens is building our collective character.

I went for one series of basic blood tests in the United States, and it is still building my character into an towering and rabid proponent of universal health care. A doctor, knowing we were seriously desperate, lured us to his lair for a quick checkup at the “bargain” price of $500. He spent the visit trying to convince us to have some more imaging done, even though the baby and I both looked fine, then charged me $750 for the pleasure. Subsequent lab costs brought the total to $2500. The fact we have that debt isn’t honorable or some kind of sign of our independence; it’s outrageous and obscene. Just like these pornographers.

I hope they all burn. Like, actually burn themselves. And go to the hospital, wait for 7 hours to be seen, then get $400 million worth of skin grafts they can happily pay off for the rest of their beastly lives. With honor.


You Mean MSNBC And Bobby Jindal Aren’t BFF?

So Bobby “W√ľnderkind” Jindal gave the Republican response to the Obama State of the Union. While the Republicans were wetting their pants over the idea, calling it a coming-out party and all (way to use a debutante reference in dire economic times, by the by), the liberal media is just pooing all over it. So far this morning, I’ve read his speech called “weirdly robotic,” and that “he seemed to be trying to get out the door to catch a ride from Baton Rouge to New Orleans before Lent began.” My beloved Nate Silver even went so far as to refer to it as “Jindal Versus the Volcano,” and that just can’t be good.

Instead of fighting, though, can we all just take a minute to marvel at Chris Matthews not realizing his mike is on and he’s on the teevee machine? Watch him skewer any credibility he had as a reliable news guy (he had credibility?) by moaning, “Oh, God” right before Jindal starts speaking (thanks again to Wonkette for your awesome moan-identifying skillz!).

UPDATE: It’s not just the left that hated the speech. David Brooks and Fox News are jumping on the we-wish-he-were-more-like-Palin bandwagon. Maybe he should exorcise their head demons?


From “Big Tent” To “Ginormous Tools”

Is the GOP trying to be the party of douchebags, nutjobs, and the deranged? Cause, Jesus God, man, are they ever championing the worst of the worst lately. Now, normally I wouldn’t mention this, since…well, I don’t really care if they implode, and I kind of don’t want to alert them to the fact that they are. Still, in light of a one-party democratic government not working for anybody anytime anywhere, I’m going to let those on the other side of the fence know my thoughts on their presidential hopefuls.

I’ll admit it. I’d LOVE to watch Palin run for POTUS in 2012. Seriously, how much fun would it be to see that? Palin answering serious questions about why she skipped the conference on energy hosted by the nation’s governors, even though her state is, shall we say, interested in what happens there? Brilliant. Bringing back up Troopergate? Her husband’s meddling in state affairs? Her hypocrisy and stupidity and willful ignorance of the basic facts of nature (her assertion that we piss away money on fruit fly research while sounding her call to join her in doing that same research was especially priceless) is just darling!

Kathryn-Jean Lopez wants that champion of the working man, Rick Santelli, as her running mate? Better yet. Rocketing to stardom by calling about-to-be-homeless grandmothers “losers” while being cheered on by your stockbroking friends (who, it has to be noted and noted and noted, are on the goddamned gubment cheese themselves) will play awesome in the square states. Go for it!

But I have to say, and it’s probably because I was there for Katrina and its aftermath, I think Jindal’s the one to beat. The notion that Republicans should be so playing to the Christian right as to run a man who’s performed exorcisms is just so good it had to be fattening. I know, I know, they think he’d recreate the whole “Big Tent” mythology, since he’s young and brown and all, but his grandstanding refusal to take stimulus money takes said fattening cake.

Granted, his refusal of government funds is, on its face, infuriating. However, knowing that there’s no way the state legislature is going to let him turn down money when the state is in such need (a fact of which I’m sure he’s more than well aware) has tempered my rage and brought me to the conclusion that he HAS to run! Watching him explain how his claim that Kathleen Blanco’s refusal of federal help, which he says is what led to the poor governmental response (and won him his current spot), is somehow different or worse than this…oh, sweet fancy Jesus, pleasepleaseplease let him run!

Oh, to be a fly on the town hall wall while Jindal explains to the bitters why he would have rather reallocate non-existent funds to help very-existent people…but then, to make that happen, maybe we’d need more of that silly science research.