The Octuplets Have A Shitty Mom. Also, Sun Rises.

Call this the shock heard round the world: One of Nadya Suleman’s fired volunteer nannies is speaking out (I know, I know, how do you fire volunteers, right?), and she’s pulling no goddamned punches.

“This woman does not care for these kids,” Linda West-Conforti said on the talk show. “She is in [it] for the paparazzi, the media…Nadya only fed her babies … when a film crew was in her house,” West-Conforti said. “That’s the only time that woman ever volunteered to feed a child. And I tell you what happened: During one episode she was done feeding … she picked up the child [and] gave it to me on my chest. She didn’t burp it; she didn’t change the diaper; [she] walked out of that room and [didn’t see] her for another 12 hours.”

Now there are a lot of reasons this doesn’t surprise me. Who, after all, but a narcissist would so purposefully have so many children while being totally unsure of how to provide for them (and deprive her parents of a retirement in the process)? The main reason, though, is the following: It almost always holds that people who proclaim themselves to be expertly adept about something are, in fact, really awful at it.

Have you ever met a self-proclaimed pool shark who doesn’t scratch on the 8? A “ladies’ man” who doesn’t go home alone? An expert in French who doesn’t freeze up when the Metro attendant asks them how many tickets they’d like?

I suppose I’ve grown hyper-sensitive to it, since, being a liberal and all, I get accosted by womyn all the time. No, not “women”…womyn. They are constantly telling me what great feminists they are, and what a horrible example of a female human I am. I’ve been told what I should read, watch, listen to, and think about things on many, many occasions. While infuriating in its antithetical nature, I’ve gotten to the point where it makes me laugh. Especially because, almost invariably, these pillars of the feminist community are completely under the thumbs of some man somewhere, or, worse yet, are hoping to be. “I can’t believe you would say you think that model’s too fat for the runway! She’s got womanly curves, and she’s rightfully proud! Now excuse me while I go scope my Women’s Studies class for a sensitive man who’ll support me the rest of my life.”

Which brings me back to parenting. I have no doubt that, were I in the United States, I would be getting a lot more schooling than I do now, and I receive plenty via the phone/internet. What I’ve found, unsurprisingly, is that those who are the most adamant about their advice being the way to go are the ones who are least capable of doling it out. I suppose it’s a defense mechanism; confronted by their own lack of knowledge about something so fundamental and important, they overcompensate by trying to assert that they really know everything there is about it.

So, yeah, OctoMom, OctoPussy, Crazy Baby Lady, whatever you want to call her…the minute I read her quoted as saying this: “Everything I do, I’ll stop my life for them and be present with them. And hold them. And be with them. And how many parents do that? I’m sure there are many that do, but many don’t. And that’s unfortunate. That is selfish.” Yeah, that just REEKS of bullshit.

Speaking of which, I have to go report to two self-proclaimed genius physicists about their self-proclaimed groundbreaking research skills.

Alert The Media! Pr0n Industry Does Something Degrading To A Woman!

I know I shouldn’t be shocked. Well, truth be told, I’m not…at the first part.

Octuplets’ Mom Offered $1 Million To Do One Porn Movie.

This part of the offer is not really offensive to me, mostly because I expected it sooner, and also because I don’t mind mocking this woman a bit. In and of itself, it’s a bit offensive, but the offense is of the de rigeur sort. Nope, it’s the next part of the offer that got me into a feminist froth:

Vivid Entertainment spokeswoman Jackie Martin says the offer [to make her a contract girl] also promises a year of health insurance for Nadya Suleman and her 14 children.

That’s predatory and evil and just not fair. Want to take the piss out of a crazy lady? Fine. Want to blackmail a destitute and desperate woman (who has what appears to be trauma-induced views on sexuality already) by using her children’s well-being as bait? Not fine.

I suppose I may be overreacting, in large part because I’m currently in a job I hate solely to ensure that my daughter gets to stay in Europe for long enough to become a citizen (so she can have all the free health care and cheap education she wants). While my work environment is degrading and depressing, there is no work atmosphere that could be more so than a porn set for someone who thinks sex is disgusting.

So, damn you, Vivid Entertainment! You’re making me feel for this crazy bitch!

But, rather than blame the proverbial dog for licking itself, I’m going to blame the Republicans for this. That’s right, the good ol’ GOP has created this situation by blocking mandatory health care for all citizens of the United States.

Fuckin’ Bobby Jindal just evinced the very reason we moved from the States. Just like when his parents arrived from India, I arrived in Spain pregnant. Just like his parents, I wasn’t eligible for health insurance in the States. Unlike his parents, I booked it to where I could deliver my baby, stay in the hospital for a couple days, and be sure she can get her vaccinations, antibiotics, and checkups without us going into the poorhouse. Jindal’s parents, however, had to pay off his delivery and subsequent medical care for years. And he bragged about it. As though it’s a fucking badge of honor to have to pay for something the rest of the world (rightfully) considers basic sanitation. And he’s telling this to a country in a goddamned depression, as though our government refusing to help its citizens is building our collective character.

I went for one series of basic blood tests in the United States, and it is still building my character into an towering and rabid proponent of universal health care. A doctor, knowing we were seriously desperate, lured us to his lair for a quick checkup at the “bargain” price of $500. He spent the visit trying to convince us to have some more imaging done, even though the baby and I both looked fine, then charged me $750 for the pleasure. Subsequent lab costs brought the total to $2500. The fact we have that debt isn’t honorable or some kind of sign of our independence; it’s outrageous and obscene. Just like these pornographers.

I hope they all burn. Like, actually burn themselves. And go to the hospital, wait for 7 hours to be seen, then get $400 million worth of skin grafts they can happily pay off for the rest of their beastly lives. With honor.

Oh, Ewww

Ick.  Ick.  Ickkkkkyyyyyy.

Nadya Suleman (the octuplets’ mom) on her VIRGINITY:

“Most mothers have had sex. But not me. My entire life, I’ve wanted children, but I’ve never wanted to deal with a husband, or boyfriend, or any one who would make sexual demands of me. When you love children the way I do, there’s no time for the distractions of domestic partnership. A man would only get in the way and I’ve got babies to hold. No man has ever sullied my life-oven with his flesh sword, and no man ever will.”

Anyone have any idea why she got divorced?

Seriously, though, her kids should be checked for sex abuse. She sounds sexually traumatized and fixated on children, which is a dangerous combo (right, Michael Jackson?)

Oh, Awright, About The Octuplets’ Mom

I wasn’t sure if I wanted to blog about this, mostly because I think this crazy bitch has been talked about to death, but, hell, isn’t the whole point of blogging that you get to talk about things you find interesting, to the exclusion of what anyone else thinks?  (unless you’re working for Arianna Huffington, of course)

So, I’ve been following this ethical debate, not because I’m a mom myself, but rather as it reflects a belief inherent in our society. More on that later, as I just want to get this out of the way:

She’s nuts. Really. Did you see the interview? She wants to have her own child army because she felt out of control of her surroundings as a child? And she admits that this is the reason she now wants to control the lives of as many children as possible? So, it’s revenge for having to have been a child once herself? Jesus Christ, could she be any more cuckoo en la cabeza???

Attention whores aside, this raises the questions of what is important to us as Americans. Make no mistake, this woman’s situation is uniquely American. There is absolutely no way that, in any other country, a licensed physician would have consented to do this for an unemployed woman living at home with her parents (and, might I add, without said parents’ approval). And by “this” I mean implant sooooo many fetuses in her. And not just the exorbitant amount done at the same time, I’m talking the whole shebang. 14 kids. No job, no prospects (that’s right, lady, in spite of your adorable view that people out there are clamoring to pay social workers a ton of money, it just ain’t the case), no father, and a great big case of crazy. And why? Because the rest of the world tends to look at cases in context.

While my furren friends really seem to be impressed (to the point of near obsession) with our system of government, I tend to get shocked stares when I mention what “individual freedom” actually implies, when taken as far as we do. Talking with my Brazilian friends about the seriously tough question of how best to institute their own form of affirmative action (given that over 90% of the population boasts some African blood, it’s a really interesting question of what defines race), we started talking about freedom in general and its implications. When I brought up the question of female circumcision and whether it should be allowed, or of whether or not it’s Constitutional to force a Christian Scientist to seek medical help for their dying child, they seemed so certain about the answer. They were universally wrong, in the eyes of the Supreme Court, though.

If you’d rather, and who wouldn’t, let’s make fun of the French for a while. When they recently banned the wearing of any religious wear in schools, I was appalled. Debating this over lunch a while back with one of my French friends (who, incidentally, even I consider a bed-wetting liberal hippie type), I began to sympathize with the plight of that government. Dealing with multiple reports of the gang-raping of women who were walking into Muslim neighborhoods with skirts above their knees or their arms bared (meaning, of course, that they are whores), among other forms of race rioting, the government felt it had to act in the interest of the majority of its people and try to forcibly assimilate a culture that didn’t want to be assimilated. When I shot back that this ban on headscarves and the like would only mean more home-schooling for the children in question, which would alienate them further, he asked what we would do (at which point I shut up, partially because I was upset that he’d responded at all to what I had perceived to be a pretty damned good argument, but mostly because I was stymied and hungry). Anyway, the point is that, when looked at as an individual case, the good of the whole was deemed more imperiled than the rights of the few. (Whew!)

I have to say, though, that what makes me angrier at this dumb broad than anything is her timing.  Right when our country deperately needs to pull together and get our economy moving, along comes this chick and her admission that she and her poor kids are taking disability and food stamps from the government. Well, that’s just great. Never mind that the most efficient way to stimulate the economy (according to real economists, even!) is food stamps.  Now all the GOP has to do in order to divide our nation once again on the wisdom of said economists is trot out this Willie-Horton-with-a-litter-o-chilluns and point.   The conspiracy theorist in me would like to think she’s a right-wing plant (what better poster child to use against welfare and food stamps?), but I think the truth is, like Joe the Plumber, she’s just an ignorant tool.  Which is why we should revamp education, right?

Rant over. Back to fart jokes.